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Noah Scape (According to Noah Scape)

Have you ever wished that everyone else was more like you? Well, Noah Scape sure does, and he’s not afraid to tell you why it would work out for the best. In fact, he’s dropped into our blog to tell you just that. Welcome, Noah!

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What is your favourite food? Is it chips? Pizza? Salt ‘n’ vinegar crisps? Apple crumble with hot custard? Macaroni cheese with chocolate sauce and anchovies?

Well, you’re wrong.

The best food is spaghetti and tomato sauce. It is also my favourite food but that’s because it’s the best. And you could say, “But I don’t like spaghetti and tomato sauce” but that’s wrong too. Wrong times one hundred. It should be your favourite because it’s the best and all other food is not as good.

I’ll prove it with science; at school we only eat spaghetti and tomato sauce on a Monday. Every other day we eat food that’s not as good. See? Proof. It’s a fact because it’s true.

What do you think the best true fact is? Is it that octopuses have three hearts and wee out of their faces?

No it is not. The best fact is this: the Stegosaurus had a brain the size of a walnut.

All the best facts are about dinosaurs. Some people say they don’t want to know facts about dinosaurs. Some people say they don’t want to hear about dinosaurs at all. Even people who used to like dinosaurs don’t want to hear about them any more even though I’m happy to tell them dinosaur facts all day long. I could tell them that more than 700 types of dinosaur have been discovered and that hadrosaurs had up to 960 teeth but Apatosaurus couldn’t even chew and I could tell them that the smallest dinosaur was Microraptor.

And you could say, “But I don’t care about dinosaurs. I care that a million Earths could fit inside the sun and I care that I have 67 species of bacteria in my belly button and I care that dead people can still get goosebumps and that moon dust smells like burnt gunpowder. I don’t want to know about dinosaurs! I want to know why pigs have curly tails and why tortoises hibernate and what you call that bit between your nose and your top lip.”

But you’d be wrong. Wrong times one thousand. And I know that because it’s a fact.

So, I decided everyone should be more like me. If everyone was more like me, we could all eat spaghetti and tomato sauce and everyone could talk about dinosaurs. And no one would be wrong times one hundred or one thousand or one million, which would be much better.

But then I thought, what if there was just more of me? What is there was loads of me? Wouldn’t that be even better? Even better than much better!

So I decided something different. I decided I need more of me. More me, plain and simple. A hundred of me … a thousand … A million! Or at least four.

Right, who wants to know some facts about dinosaurs?

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Alright, Noah…. maybe some other time!

Find out more about Noah in Noah Scape Can’t Stop Repeating Himself by Guy Bass!

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